I was tearing up Melbourne town with a girlfriend on Sunday night. It was so damn cold I am now stuck in bed with a recurrence of flu. Bugger…
So I was a shoulder to cry on for said girlfriend with a man dilemma. These things aren’t really my forte. Chicks don’t like it when the only advice you have to offer is “Dump the loser! Check out the dude at 3 o’clock. You’re stunning. Go and tell him your name and ask for his number.”
Actually, I’ve been the shoulder for the past year, but it all came to a head on the weekend when the dilemma escalated. It all started when she told me she had fallen in love with her buck fuddy. This was about a year ago.
Now, I’ve been out of the dating scene for 7-8 years, so I really dunno what the lay of the land is these days from recent personal experience. But when she told me they had been “buddies” for 5 years I squirt my drink out my nose.
If there’s open disclosure about past sexual partners, he stays over/she stays over including weekends, birthdays/xmas gift exchange happens, anniversary celebrations, introductions to family and friends, he buys her tampons and prepares her a hot water bottle and strokes her hair watching tv during her period and most insane of all they don’t use condoms – well, call me old fashioned but that sounds like a good old fashioned fucking relationship, no?
I said this to her a year ago and she insisted they were just buddies. Not really understanding the most up-to-date rules of the buddy system I did ask “Who the hell has a buddy for more than a year tops? Surely?” In myyyyyyy day – I’d have been bored after a month.
BUT 5 YEARS????!!!!!!
Nobody’s that good.
So she was a little stunned when during a telephone conversation with him on Friday night he said “Yep, we’ll do a movie tomorrow. And I needed to tell you, I’m getting married…ok if I stay over tomorrow?”
Flip ya for real.
A short while ago the dude took off to his homeland for a couple of months and seems he’s decided to bring back a bride saying he’s “tired of waiting for the right woman to come along and maybe it’ll be good for me and it’s really just visa thing…”
Chopped liver was speechless on the other end of the line which I guess is appropriate. I’ve never had a plate of chopped liver speak to me…
She’s over him and moving on apparently. I joked that she could always be Maid of Honour given the woman knows no-one in the country and offered to be a spare bridesmaid if need be. I mean what are friends for?
We’re currently organising her hen’s night.
What this demonstrates for me is the lengths commitmentphobes will go to to avoid a relationship and that is, having a relationship without actually acknowledging its status. It also demonstrates the extraordinary lengths women (with serious self esteem issues) desperate for commitment will go to to have a relationship, and that is, any old relationship, that isn’t actually a relationship, will do.
Each enables the other with their delusions.
Maybe they’re made for each other?
Kids these days…
What actually IS the current statute of limitations on buddies?
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Well, ahem…I don’t know what the current statue is. But I had a fuck buddy relationship that lasted about 8 years once. But I am/was slightly retarded and she wasn’t much better. Neither of us was really looking for a real relationship but we both liked each other and we both liked sex. So it worked out. Hardly anyone knew we were “together”. Just ask Slyde.
I say that knowing how it wasn’t good for either of us. But we were bored and we were lazy, so it worked for us. I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone else though.
Statute…not statue, of course.
Funny…my first draft had “statue”…saw it and cringed hoping no-one saw it then realised that version’s in the readers…embarrassing for those who know me for real…
8 years??? Jeez. That is hardcore. But I can see how it worked given you both had the same attitude towards it.
I’M that good….
Slyde: So you and Earl were “buddies” for 8 years?
god we’re morons. well, maybe not ALL of us, judging by the likes of you. but still.
as far as bona fide fuck buddy status. if it is the real definition of an FB association (ride’em hard, put him out wet) … then the more years the better, just gets easier and easier.
That sounds like a common law relationship to me!
Like there is no such thing as a free lunch, I think there is also no such thing as no strings attached.
There’s always something.
Either that, or I’ve just been missing out!!!!