The Kissing Booth

A mishmash of lash, pash and balderdash.

Frank and open observations about what I’m reading, watching, talking about, loving, hating and admiring – all in the infrequent and brief moments of peace and quiet I get to jot it all down.

I’m a 35 year old sleep deprived working mother of a 3 year old angel (of death) and partner to a hot verbally dyslexic he-man. He broke through my previous prejudice of “men I’m happy to look at (and more) as long as he shuts the fuck up.” Alas he yabbers like a schoolgirl. He also happily carries the handle of “Worst Kisser in the Entire World” – a title he practised long and hard for.

I live in Melbourne, Australia; the arse end of the world. But what a nice arse.

I love coffee, murals, the sound of my daughter breathing and talking, most particularly singing “h, i, j, k, l, l, l, o, p” when she sings the alphabet (actually I just love her to death, full stop. Light of my life), the colours red and yellow, the smell of wet dog, lime trees (for my g&t), rhubarb pies and kielbasa, long distance swimming, the sound of my partner talking dirty to me in Polish, watching John Howard get the arse, Wish Perfume, the word “undies”, roaring 20’s jazz records, lying in the sun, wintry Melbourne days, crisp country air, the smell of the ocean and also the smell of long awaited rain on hot tar, taking anyone and everyone off and of course, a great kiss. I haven’t had one for 7 years… 

I hate cricket, days hotter than 30 degrees Celsius, anyone who writes “LOL!”, lazy grammar including Australians who write “ass” (it’s “Arse!” be proud) and drop their u’s from colour, the word “panties”, the sound of my partner talking dirty to me in English, the way young men on trains talk loudly about sex based on their knowledge derived from internet porn – I just want to slap them til their teeth rattle, fuckers on trains who don’t stand up for pregnant women, the fact that the Australian Liberal Party is so inappropriately named, Bratz Dolls and the sexualisation of little girls in the media and most particularly people who write these kind of lists.

I mean, who really cares???

Leave me a note below should you be so inclined.

Or email me at artfulkisser@gmail.com.